Aggravated Solutions (Page 2)

Join the Team

Aggravated Solutions is a privately owned transnational extra-dactylic concern with campuses on most major continents. Our fields of oversight include research into the fields of biology, rocketry, circuitry, the digging of holes, post-quantum physics, food chemistry, extra-natural rediscovery, factoid sorting, biomorphic ventriloquy, augmented megafauna, pain redistribution, myth dissection, popular entertainment

Uncommon Visitors, Creatures and Night Legends [addendum 3]

Print and add to your Anomalies binder. Ghostly Shreds You left a tissue in your pocket before you washed your pants. At dawn you are awakened by a maelstrom of lint and cottony little screams. The Wrist Some have reported seeing a wrist leering in at them through second and

On A Road: My Gang Years

Early in my college career I found myself burned out on the drudgery of book learning and box lacrosse. My athletic scholarship (the result of some clerical error, near as I could tell) was threatening to dissolve the moment I sallied forth onto the pitch with my equipment askew and

Uncommon Visitors, Creatures and Night Legends [addendum 2]

Print and add to your Anomalies binder. Flipper of Pages Subjects in one room report hearing from another room the sound of a large book being leafed through quickly, in the manner of someone anxious to find a specific passage or definition that would win an argument. Chancers Stacks of

My Many Loves: Green Lady

Atlantic City, 1987. I saw her across the smog of a dim casino. She was stunning. Gown the green of mentholyptus, with pumps and a purse to match. Red hair up. Dark eyes cast down to the slim cigarette in her left hand from which emanated a pillar of smoke

Study: On the Migration of Mylar Balloons

Short term study on the autonomous migrations of partially deflated mylar “party” balloons in a closed environment (deconsecrated Catholic high school St. Abigail of the Valley, Ohio, Wyoming) Subjects: 22 balloons of varying shapes (Spider-Man, “Get Well,” “Nailed It!,” etc.) and levels of leakage, each knotted with curling ribbon between

Uncommon Visitors, Creatures and Night Legends [addendum 1]

Print and add to your Anomalies binder. The Figure If you keep your eyes open while taking off or pulling on a sweater, you will make out his shape through the fabric. This is his only moment of influence on the tangible world, so do it quickly. The Piano Wraith

Once Bitcoin, Twice Shy

Hey folks. Just a quick apology about the whole Colleptocoin thing yesterday. While the launch was an undeniable success for the company — with upwards of 3% being set aside for the H.E.L.P. charity (after fees)! — the coin eventually ultimately dropped in value after the first several minutes

Coming soon

This is Aggravated Solutions, a brand new site by Patrick Rapa that's just getting started. Things will be up and running here shortly, but you can subscribe in the meantime if you'd like to stay up to date and receive emails when new content is published!

Circus Circus!

Hey folks. No getting around it: This weekend’s pig roast on Main Campus was a fiasco, top to bottom. In the future, we’ll make certain the slaughtering, carving and roasting mostly takes place behind a scrim, as a courtesy to some of our more sensitive employees and their

License to Ill

Hey folks. Let’s chalk up Sunday’s company picnic as a learning experience. Please cease referring to it as a “superspreader event” in official company correspondence as well your own personal social media accounts. And remember to stay home or in your dormitory if you’re not feeling well.

Crypto Not a Keeper

The company has decided to part ways with Cryptocurrency Division Prime and must vigorously disavow their alleged behavior.

Apologia

Outside Mitch

The company has decided to part ways with crypto chief Mitch Weston. Though we must apologize for Mitch’s alleged behavior — while disavowing foreknowledge at the corporate level — we nonetheless thank him for his years of service and dedication Aggravated Solutions. Any alleged victims of Mitch should attend the HR

Occurrences

Occurrence: Kingda Ka Disappearances

March 18, 2014: Three people are said to have vanished while riding the Kingda Ka roller coaster at Six Flags’s Great Adventure (Jackson, NJ). No bodies were found, no police reports were filed, and no one was ever reported missing. Nonetheless there exists uninterrupted footage of two men and